


The Long Way Home.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Series: Petya - Post-Komarr Split 'verse [3]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Alternate Universe, Implied past rape, Implied past torture, M/M, Song Lyric Title, Time Period: Reign of Padma Vorpatril, War Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-16
Updated: 2011-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-19 11:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/200606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A month after the war ends, Guy Allegre meets a fellow traveler.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Way Home.

**Author's Note:**

> Petya 'verse AU, splits off in the middle of Lord Piotr (post-Komarr).

It's approaching noon when Guy meets him by the stream. Guy tests the water and then fills his canteen and takes a swallow before offering it to the other man. He's filthy and looks like every other lonely man Guy's met on the road so far. Lost their way in the war, some trying to find some way home again and some not sure where they're going other than that they have to keep moving.

Guy knows where he's going. Step by step, he's going home. But he's one of the lucky ones.

The other man takes the canteen and looks it over, examining the Countship seal pressed into the bottom, and Guy straightens reflexively, ready to defend himself or grab his canteen back, but the man just lifts it up, salutes Guy, and takes two swallows quickly.

"Thank you," he says, and passes the canteen back.

"Allegre," Guy introduces himself.

The man looks at him for a moment and then shrugs. "Petya," he says.

 

\---

 

Petya isn't going anywhere in particular. He says, when asked, "the Dendarii Mountains," but follows it up a minute later with a very quiet, "probably."

An hour after that, he says, "I don't know how welcome I'll be."

And that's all he's willing to say about where he comes from or where he's going.

Guy conscientiously points out that the Dendarii Mountains are in the other direction, because Petya wouldn't be the first one to get confused in the outskirts of Vorrutyer farm communities and start off along the wrong road, but Petya doesn't care, he's taking the long way around on the way home, if he's ever going there, if that's his home.

He could be from the Mountains, Guy considers late that night, examining the stars. Petya's French is atrocious. It sounds like he learned it from one of those second-rate vid programs that think that Vor French is the standard, and so he keeps tripping over himself in conversation. His Russian, though, sounds like Guy would imagine his family's rural customers would sound like if they spoke Russian. Guy talks to him in French, Petya talks back in Russian, and it all works out fine.

On the third day, Guy says, "I don't care that you're a Vor bastard," and Petya stumbles hard and looks at him in real horror, and Guy feels compelled to explain, "you look too much like a Vor for it to not be obvious. Sorry."

Petya sits down in the dirt with a thud and covers his face with his hands and starts shaking. Guy crouches down in front of him, but he knows better than to touch him. Petya screams in his sleep from nightmares that sound even worse than the ones that Guy has, and when Guy has been able to convince Petya to take some care of himself, he's seen the marks.

Eventually, Petya manages to stand up. They start walking again.

On the fourth day, when they've found day work cleaning out a stable, Petya says, "people have been calling me a bastard my entire life. I don't-- I can't care anymore."

 

\---

 

Guy fills the silence with details about his family, talks about the glass house, talks about his siblings and cousins and the last wedding he'd been to. He doesn't say that his father was in an ImpSec prison for a few years after Yuri's War until the third week and they've passed out of the Vorrutyer District into the Vorkalloner District.

Petya takes it as the invitation that it is. That night, beneath storm clouds, he admits, "it wasn't ImpSec." Then he rubs his fingers against his thigh and the mess of scars that Guy has seen there. "Admiral Vorrutyer."

Guy doesn't press, but the details start coming slowly over the days after that. Petya was captured in the early days of the war. He spent the rest of it inside Admiral Vorrutyer's Political Education prison in his District. He got out with the rest of the prisoners when they escaped after Vorrutyer's execution.

Guy doesn't ask what side he'd originally been on. Not Vorrutyer's side or with any of his allies, so maybe Petya really is a Dendarii hillman trying to find his way home. Count Vorville had taken his forces, including the cadets in his military academies, from one side to another, but had never thrown his lot in with the Vorrutyers, to Guy's great relief. He's heard stories about what Vorrutyer had done to his friends. Backstabbing was putting it nicely. And what he did to his prisoners was infamous.

Two months after Guy first meets him, Petya kisses him desperately and says, " _please_ ," and it's nothing like Guy's ever done before because Petya will still not let him touch him without seeing him do it, but it works, surprisingly, and Petya starts to relax, and Guy starts to think about what's going to happen when they get home and Guy sees his family again, starts to wonder if maybe he can have this, if maybe Petya would stay, if maybe he would leave those Mountains behind permanently and _stay_.

 

\---

 

There are good days and there are bad days. There are days when Guy doesn't look at the storm clouds on the horizon and see plasma arcs firing amongst the lightening and days when Petya huddles in on himself and starts muttering to himself against his chest and rubbing his arms for warmth in the summer's heat. There are days when Petya touches Guy like he's fragile and days when he won't let Guy touch him at all; days when Petya is willing to talk and days when he's not.

And there are days when Petya refuses to enter enclosed spaces and days when Petya, haltingly, starts to meet the eyes of the other travelers they encounter on the road and even adds details to Guy's stories, and when some of the travelers offer transport to one city or another, Guy turns them down like he has since he first decided to find his own way home, and all those days end like they start, with the two of them together.

There are good days and bad days, but even the worst days can't compete with Petya tipping his head back against the rain and smiling, with the planet wide open around them with possibilities.

 

\---

 

They've been lucky in managing to avoid ImpSec check points. Guy isn't wanted for anything, he got his discharge paperwork all nice and proper, been informed that the general pardon covered being on the wrong side of the war, but didn't cover ever letting him serve again, and accepted being thrown out as the better alternative to a military execution. He doesn't have anything to worry about for himself.

Five days into the Vorhovis District, they see one up ahead of them. Guy steels himself for the identification process and it's not until he's put out his hand for ImpSec that Guy notices that Petya's started running.

ImpSec catches up to him quickly, and Guy wonders what the hell Petya was thinking. It's wide open around here, nowhere to hide. Guy's relieved to realize that it's stunner fire, nothing else, but when they drag Petya back and pull his identification, there is suddenly a great deal of noise and panic.

Guy manages to grab enough of a glimpse at the screen to see the detainment order, highest priority, _treason_ , and then ImpSec decides that anyone found together with the fugitive needs to be interrogated and they arrest him and throw him into the lightflyer, too. _  
_  
Petya wakes up from the stunner bolt while they're flying over Hazelbright Lake and groans with the pain.

"W-where are we?" he asks.

"On our way to ImpSec Headquarters, at a guess," Guy says. "You might have told me you were a fugitive." If he'd known, they could have taken the long way around that plain and avoided ImpSec, but Guy won't say that with ImpSec listening. He'd like to get out of this alive if he can.

"It's not an arrest order," Petya says, like that matters to ImpSec. "It shouldn't be. I'm not-- it shouldn't be-- I'm _not_ the heir, it's not treason if I don't--"

"It said treason," Guy says flatly. "And that you're derelict in 'standing in front of the Emperor'. That's a court-martial."

"No," Petya sighs. "Sometimes they mean that literally. And as for treason--," he shudders. "It's not that. It _can't_ be that."

"If you ignored an Imperial summons, that's treason," Guy says, but that's preposterous. Unless Petya doesn't just _look_ like he's Vor...

Petya looks sick, much too sick for this to be just the stunner aftereffects. "I probably should have mentioned sometime," he says quietly, "that my name is Vorkosigan."

 

\---

 

Being locked in a cell inside ImpSec Headquarters is bad. Being dragged from there into an interrogation room is worse, but it is, Guy thinks, better than the waiting.

Captain Negri administers the fast-penta himself and then the questions start.

Who is he? Who holds his oath? Where did he serve? What battles, what officers, what territory? What cities, what districts, who did they meet along the way? Why was he harboring an unsworn Vor heir? What did he _think_ he was dealing with after he'd found out that Petya had spent the war as a political prisoner? Who was he working for? How could he not have known?

And then, after Guy has talked himself hoarse and, to his horror, gotten into a ramble off the topic and then starts laughing at the very thought that he'd in any way despoiled a Count's grandson, comes the worst part.

"Tell me, Guy Allegre," Negri says frostily, " _exactly_ what you did to him."

 

\---

 

When he sees Petya again, he doesn't recognize him at first. And then he tries to punch him.

Petya blocks it easily and then sits down heavily on Guy's bunk. "I'm sorry. For all of it."

Guy ignores that in favor of staring at Petya's uniform. He can recognize only half of the decorations, but there's enough on there to confirm that, yes, Petya really is second in a Countship inheritance line. And there's a medal: wounded in action.

Petya continues, "Negri had some choice words with me about it. Not just the obvious, he's angry at me for what I did to you. Something about dragging your family through more mud and Vorkosigans need to start looking before we leap. And I'm sorry for that, too. If it's any consolation, I-- I sat through more fast-penta than you did. And Negri had to get the Emperor's permission for that first and then he took it out of my hide. I'm a disgrace to my name, if that... makes you feel better."

"It better," Guy says lowly, "have been worth it."

Petya draws in on himself. "I-- Padma says that he understands. I just couldn't-- I couldn't go home, come back, not to all this, not without-- not then, not after that. I-- I could have gone to any Imperial garrison and declared myself and been here in hours. They were worried, Padma said. They were a month away from declaring me presumed dead, not just missing in action, and-- I said I wished they'd had and Padma got upset, and-- I'm in an awful lot of trouble, but I don't regret-- I should have been honest with you, I shouldn't have-- I shouldn't have misled you. But I don't regret not coming back, not after-- I shouldn't have dragged you in, but you _offered_ , you were so kind, and--" Petya brushes angrily at his tears, then takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry," he repeats, firmer this time. "I shouldn't have done that. You're free to go. Padma says just say where you want to be taken and ImpSec will fly you there immediately."

Only the Vor, Guy thinks. Only the Vor. Simply decide not to come home after a war was over and _still_ be on first name terms with the Emperor and not think twice about referring to him that way to other people. "Home," he says curtly. "And I'm sure ImpSec knows where _that_ is by now."

Petya nods haltingly and then gets up. He has a few words with the guard at the door.

Three hours later, Guy is turning around in front of his childhood home, still reeling, still wondering what the hell is going on.

 

\---

 

And maybe it was all a dream. Maybe he never did go off to the District military academy. Maybe he never was sent to the front in the war. Maybe he never served on the lines. Maybe he never found himself with discharge papers and not much else in the middle of the Vorparadijs District. Maybe he'd decided to stick around there and find a new life. Maybe he'd accepted the official transport instead of deciding he didn't want to spend any more time as just another pardoned enemy officer, didn't want to be brought home in disgrace. Maybe he didn't decide to get home by himself, step by step, the same way his grandfather had walked home from the Cetagandan War.

Or maybe he's still out there, seeing the planet with the shallow excuse of getting home always at the ready. Maybe he's still out there, step by step, finding odd jobs, living for the day. Maybe he's still out there, maybe he's still sleeping next to Petya, who isn't an untouchable Vor lord but just another prole who got out of the war with less sense than he had when he went into it, and maybe they're watching the dawn come up and drinking stream water, and maybe none of this ever happened.

And maybe he's standing barefoot in the kitchen, trying not to wake anyone before he has a chance to get cleaned up, and his mother is hugging him, crying, saying over and over again, "we thought you were dead, we thought you were dead."

Maybe he was and now he's coming back to life again, like waking up after a long night huddled in an abandoned shack, with Petya's shoulder up against his, because they'd still been finding their boundaries with touch with each other when it had all ended, and maybe this is life again, maybe this is another chance.

Maybe that he's finally come home means that he'll stop feeling so adrift.

 

\---

 

Petya Vorkosigan is apparently the kind of asshole who tries to do him favors. Guy hasn't even been home a week, not even long enough for his siblings to get up the nerve to ask him _why_ ImpSec had left him right outside their door, when Guy is informed that he has a full scholarship to the Vorville District University for as long as he wants it.

Guy turns it down on principle and when one of his cousins demands to know why, Guy says irritably, "that wasn't why I was sleeping with him," and then spends the rest of the day horrified at himself and angry that he'd been so indiscreet as to actually say that.

He writes a long reply to Petya and sends it care of Vorkosigan House to ask that he not do anything like that again, and he gets an official response from Vorkosigan House that's nothing more than Petya's private comconsole code.

Guy ignores it.

And on the Emperor's Birthday, when the vids are full of images of all the proper Vor and their proper... properness, Guy certainly doesn't scan it for a Vor lord in brown and silver with messy curls and a haunted smile and hands that never stop moving, who stole Guy's heart when Guy wasn't looking, and anyway, it's not a bad thing that Guy cares or that he worries, because Petya -- actually Petya, not Lord Piotr Vorkosigan -- is someone Guy would still be happy to count as a friend.

And it doesn't matter, any of it. Guy got out of a war alive, a proper Barrayaran civil war with five sides and shifting alliances, and so what that Petya's side won and so what that Petya's someone important, because it's Guy's victory, too. He won, he came home, and he knows how lucky he is for all of that. He doesn't need more, and he certainly doesn't need the Vor looking over his shoulder or trying to help.

He can manage on his own.

 

\---

 

An Imperial summons, on the other hand, is something that Guy can't ignore or decline. The Emperor receives him in an opulent room inside the Imperial Residence and Guy bows poorly and tries not to be obvious about how scared he is.

"You can relax, this is informal," the Emperor says, and Guy looks around dubiously, thinking that if this is informal, he doesn't understand the meaning of the word. Or maybe it's just the Vor who don't. "Petya won't stop talking about you," the Emperor continues, "so I thought I should meet you for myself."

Guy remembers the last days before the war, when things had finally seemed like they were settling down after the conquest of Komarr, and then the news had come down that Emperor Ezar had been assassinated. That Prince Serg was widely rumored to have been behind it. And then Princess Kareen had died that following night and the rumors had picked up that the Vorkosigans would not stand for this, and then they had declared Prince Xav's grandson to be Emperor and the Vorrutyers had sided with Serg, and the Counts had split between them or declared themselves their own sides, and then it had all collapsed from there. And it's been seven months since the war ended and the planet is still picking itself up from amidst the rubble.

The Emperor looks like a kind man, but he'd won the war, and, if rumors Guy'd heard on the road could be believed, he'd killed Serg and Count Vordarian the Pretender himself. And even if all the propaganda is false, Emperor Padma Vorpatril Vorbarra is still not someone to ever presume informality with. Guy just wishes he had any idea how to be what the Vor consider formal.

"We're getting him help," the Emperor continues after Guy doesn't say anything. "Lord Vorkosigan's fleet was cut off in the chaos and, despite the mutiny, he somehow found his way to Beta Colony during the whole mess. Lady Vorkosigan has been importing Betan therapists by the dozens. Petya's doing a lot better than he was."

The Emperor looks at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. Guy wets his lips and tries, "I'm glad."

The Emperor nods. "So are we. These last two years have been a strain on us all. We're in the rebuilding years after the war and I mean to see this one through. We didn't manage to put Yuri's ghost to rest the last time, but we're learning from our mistakes. We're moving Barrayar forward, and Petya has a big role to play in all of it. He's a vital, invaluable member of my court, as well as a dear cousin. I've denied him permission, by the way, to enter the Academy as he'd planned and earn a commission. He's seen too much war. Don't you agree?"

That's more comfortable ground. A straight line from a superior officer, always agree. "Yes, sire," Guy says.

"He's been spending a great deal of time with young Count Vorrutyer, who spent some time in the prison with him. That was how we'd known he was still alive as of when we arrested Admiral Vorrutyer. Poor Pierre was distraught when he found out that he was the last person who admitted to seeing Petya and that we had no idea where Petya was after he and his fellow conspirators managed to bring down that prison from the inside. But we're getting Pierre and his sister help, too."

The Emperor allows another pause, blatantly assessing Guy. Guy tries look attentive and stamp down his growing bewilderment over why the Emperor thinks he needs to know this. He doesn't think he could move from attention even if someone held a plasma arc to his head.

"And things are complicated here now," the Emperor continues. "They are especially complicated by the fact that Petya refuses to accept that you don't want to have anything more to do with him. He knows what he wants, but he has no idea how to do it and he's only barely listening to advice. I told him he shouldn't throw favors at you, that you would likely take it the wrong way, that it wasn't going to work as a courting gift, but he said that you spoke often of getting a university education after you returned to your family, and tried it anyway. You haven't called him, and he's finally listened to me that he can't just call you at random whenever he feels like it, that there are additional complications at hand that he isn't paying any attention to. And, believe me, if you'd known Petya before... Petya can't always be trusted to do whatever is the most politically convenient or advantageous, but he can always be trusted to at least know what that is. And now he's ignoring that entirely. Because of you."

"Are you asking me my intentions?" Guy blurts out. It's that or the Emperor is about to have him executed for daring to touch his cousin.

The Emperor looks at him steadily. "Petya asked me if he could take you as his date to my wedding. I think we've surpassed intentions by now. The question at hand is: do _you_ consider yourself unsuitable to court _him_?"

This wasn't anything Guy had anticipated. This is worse. Guy swallows hard. "Sire, I..."

"As you may have noticed from all the frenzied preparations," the Emperor says dryly, "the ceremony is in two days. Petya decided to drop this on my lap last night. It was a very emotional confession from him and then he laid his heart at my feet. Do I have to go and tell him that you're turning him down?"

It feels like the floor is dropping away from beneath him. "I was an officer on the wrong side of the war," Guy manages to get out and it feels like every time he thought he was about to die during the war, when the plasma fire was too close or the man next to him suddenly fell. Dangerous ground. Dangerous enemies. "I-- the general pardon, the junior officers pardon, was clear. I kept my life but not my honor."

"I wrote that pardon," the Emperor says. "I know what it says."

Guy nods quickly. "Yes, sire. But... if I don't have...," but the Emperor asked him a direct question and clearly expects him to actually give an answer, and what kind of Vor idiot asks the Emperor to act as a baba, and what does it say about Guy that he went and fell in love with that Vor idiot, and Guy shuts his eyes tight and says, "I don't consider myself unsuitable, but everyone else will. Would."

"And I'm not asking them, I'm asking you," the Emperor says kindly. "I'll give your acceptance to Petya. In the meanwhile, you're going to need something to wear. I leave you in my cousins's capable hands."

Guy opens his eyes in dawning horror. The Emperor leaves the room, but on his way out, waves in three Vor women.

And they're looking at Guy like _they_ certainly want to know his intentions.

 

\---

 

Petya looks years younger than he did when they were taking the scenic route across Barrayar, but he still looks haunted, and he sits down next to Guy on the couch in the receiving room and says, "hi," like it's six months ago and he doesn't know how Guy's going to react.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Guy admits.

Petya covers Guy's hand with his. "I'm glad you are," he says softly, and they sit there together, watching the night fall and the stars come out.


End file.
